The Magic Word (For Adults)
There is a variety of essential abilities everyone should cultivate, especially those in business. Skills such as presenting, writing, and networking play a vital role in advancing both personal growth and professional success.
Picture a scenario where a potential client is discussing a deal with you.
You guide the conversation smoothly, without any excessive drama. The exchange resembles an intense, satisfying game of tennis, volleying ideas back and forth over some time.
Eventually, the dialogue wraps up with a finalized agreement.
This agreement ensures you receive payment while fully meeting the client’s needs. Both sides win, and the scope of the deal expands considerably.
Additionally, this paves the way for further business opportunities.
Sounds like a fantasy? Sometimes it is.
But more often than not, this is the outcome of skilled negotiation.
What They Really Mean by “Don’t Give Up!”
Roger Fisher and William Ury authored the renowned book on negotiation skills, Getting to Yes.
Delving into this book can often feel like having your negotiating tactics thoroughly tested.
I never bought into the psychological notion that convincing someone to agree to one point means they will say yes to everything.
That idea is nonsense.
Focusing on concepts like ZOPAs (Zone of Potential Agreement) and BATNAs (Best Alternative To No Agreement) differs from where your mindset should be in dialogue.
The reality is, people frequently respond with “No.” Literally all the time.
How you handle that “No” matters far more than coaxing a hollow “yes.”
Will you quit after hearing a single “No?”
Many do, particularly those from Ivy League or Oxbridge backgrounds, who take offense when their “perfect deal” is rejected. Don’t they realize who they’re dealing with?
Recognizing “no” as a signpost or boundary during conversations with clients is crucial. You’ll encounter it regularly, so use these moments as guiding signals toward closing a firm agreement.
Who’s the Best to Listen to?
I’m an avid fan of Ben Settle, arguably the leading email marketer in the world today.
One day, Ben mentioned one of his idols, Jim Camp.
I immediately took notice.
What Ben shared about Jim struck a chord with me. Jim doesn’t indulge in fluff; he trained FBI negotiators and keeps things straightforward.
Negotiation suddenly shifted from being about psychology or hypnosis to simply uncovering common ground.
Camp defines negotiation as “the effort to bring about an agreement between two or more parties, with all parties having the right to veto.”
Allowing someone the freedom to say no yields impressive results. This approach stands in stark contrast to the rigid “take it or leave it” tactics touted by some.
Of course, by the end of negotiations, you need clarity on whether you’re committing fully. But that stage comes much later.
Whenever I send a proposal, I finish the email with: “Please let me know if you’d like to add/delete/amend anything.”
This offers clients a guilt-free way to suggest changes without discomfort.
Keep your ego in check. Securing business and earning money is the priority, not winning trivia over proposal details.
Allow your client to specify their needs—it simplifies the process!
The Magic Word (For Adults)
“Micah, what’s the magic word?”
“May I have some chocolate, puhleese?”
Children are taught that “please” is the magic word, followed by “thank you.”
These lessons are fundamental for functioning politely (or even impolitely) in society.
While I adore my eight-year-old, I eagerly anticipate telling him, “Micah, remember when I said ‘please’ was the magic word? Well, now you’re at an age where the new magic word is ‘No!’”
I don’t know about you, but I used to be someone who said yes to everything just to please others. Now, I remind myself of the real magic word.
No, thank you.
No, that’s not for me.
No, you should find someone better suited for that job.
No, that price doesn’t work for me.
Practice as needed. You won’t believe the difference it makes. Even better, you’ll free yourself to say an enthusiastic “Yes!” to the right opportunities!
Camp offers three insights about “no”:
- Welcome “no” whenever it arises during negotiations.
- Don’t dread the word—embrace it. It’s not personal since you’re not desperate.
- Each “no” can be reversed.
Camp emphasizes, “The moment you really internalize this principle, the moment you understand the honesty and the power of ‘no,’ you will have taken a long stride away from emotion-based negotiating toward decision-based negotiating.”
“Maybe” is the worst response imaginable. It leaves you with nothing concrete.
Wanna go out with me?
Maybe…
Not ideal, right?
Consider this instead:
Shall we do lunch?
Yes! Have your people call my people.
Is that a firm “yes?” Maybe it’s just a polite brush-off. You won’t know until later.
That’s why “no” is truly golden—it clearly marks a limit.
There’s a lot more to explore on this topic, but I want to briefly address one final point.
Want is OK, Need is Not
“You stink of fear!” Mr. Hyde shouts at Tom Sawyer in the 2003 film League of Extraordinary Gentlemen.
Your clients sense fear immediately as well.
From this moment on, train yourself to want your clients’ cooperation—but never need it.
You don’t need this deal. You want this deal.
You don’t need to complete this task. You want to accomplish it.
You don’t need to close the deal. You want to close it—badly.
In fact, eliminating “need” from your vocabulary whenever possible can transform your physical response.
“Need” triggers stress. Stress elevates cortisol, restricts breathing, boosts heart rate, and clouds judgment, all harmful effects.
Desires and wants don’t cause those issues.
But what if my client rejects me?
If you don’t require anything from them, they can’t truly reject you.
Wrap Up
Jim Camp’s works are among my favorites. Start with No: The Negotiating Tools that the Pros Don’t Want You to Know and No: The Only Negotiating System You Need for Work and Home remain classics.
I recommend the audiobooks and listening to them repeatedly—ten times each—to absorb their messages deeply.
It might feel like a big adjustment, but it’s well worth it.
Enjoy the rest of your week!
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